Crash and Burn
by celinenaville
Summary: Murdock teeters on the edge of sanity...he must face his fears and make a difficult decision.


The A-Team...

"_Crash and Burn_"

**ONE**

"You okay, Capt'n?" Hannibal asked, his voice low and private.

Murdock's gaze came back from wherever it was he'd been and he nodded. "Oh yeah. Sure. Sure, Colonel."

He smiled without feeling- the lines of tension still present around his eyes.

Hannibal put his hand on the younger man's shoulder. "You don't have to lie to me, kid."

Murdock met Hannibal's perceptive blue gaze and paused a minute. "I feel like I'm balanced on the edge of a knife," he began slowly, a bit of uncharacteristic hesitancy in his voice. "Like if… if I teeter just a little one way, or a little the other, I'm… I'm gonna fall."

Murdock felt a swell of emotion. He tried to swallow the sudden lump in his throat. The weight of Hannibal's steady hand on his shoulder increased as the Colonel tightened his grip. Murdock dropped his head slightly. He thrust his hands into his pockets.

"I don't know what to do."

Hannibal's chin tilted up a little. "Don't be afraid to fall."

"Yeah," Murdock nodded. "Thanks, Colonel."

Hannibal released the Captain's shoulder after one more emphatic squeeze and lit up a cigar. He wasn't certain if his words had gotten through at all. Hannibal had seen enough of war to know battle fatigue when he saw it in one of his men. And so, after a mandatory R & R, that hadn't seemed to do one bit of good, the doctors had declared Murdock ready to return to active duty. Hannibal knew he wasn't. Not really. But the truth was that the Team needed him.

The truth was that they were all tired. They had all been through the war. They all experienced it – but Murdock… Murdock _thought_ about it. That was his undoing. That's what would make him fall.

**TWO**

"We're going to go _down _for this, Captain," Hannibal whispered over the table as he edged forward.

Murdock shook his head. "No. No, Colonel. You'll be acquitted. You have to be."

"We were set up." Hannibal set his handcuffed hands on the table. It looked so _wrong_ to see his CO like this. His friend.

Murdock put a hand on Hannibal's arm.

"If you're going down, I'm going down with you. I'll testify about my involvement," he whispered emphatically.

"No," Hannibal replied firmly. "What we're really gonna need is an Ace-in-the-Hole. A Wild Card. Someone from the outside to help us. Someone they'll never suspect."

Murdock nodded slowly, a plan forming in his mind.

"Someone with a history of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Someone who was teetering on the edge and finally snapped? Another sad 'Nam story?" Murdock's gaze turned inward. "Someone they'll never suspect."

Hannibal's eyes warmed. "You don't have to do it, Captain."

Murdock nodded. "Yes I do." His face showed firm resolve.

"I'm going with my unit," Murdock said softly. "You gotta go with your unit."

"I knew I could count on you, Captain."

**THREE**

An unearthly stillness had settled upon the courtroom – as if every breath was held in anticipation of the verdict.

B.A. looked angry like a dark thundercloud. Face looked frightened, apprehensive, like a nervous rabbit. And Hannibal… Hannibal looked as if he didn't have a care in the world. As if he would be fine one way or the other – as if he wasn't afraid to fall.

"The court finds you guilty of all charges…"

B.A. burst out with a few passionate expletives and the court erupted into barely controlled chaos. Murdock, from his spot on the witness stand heard nothing. He buried his face in his hands, the ruckus around him drowned out by the pounding of his heart.

_Unfair! It was so unfair._ He looked up to see B.A. surrounded by several guards. Even handcuffed, they were having trouble subduing him.

Murdock paused a moment and took in the scene. He was going to help his unit. –Whatever the cost.

He leapt over the table like a man possessed. "The British are coming!"

The phrase was so unexpected that even B.A. stopped to look at him and mouthed, "What is that fool doing?"

"The revolution has begun! Can't you see that they're all manipulating you? The Hedgehogs of Truth are rolling around your feet!"

People sat in stunned silence.

Murdock took advantage of the momentary confusion and dashed from the courtroom, plowing over a few bystanders and ripping off pieces of his uniform as he ran.

He heard footsteps behind him as he bolted down the corridor. He slowed to a halt and whirled to face them, his back against the wall.

Then with a deep, ragged breath… he let himself fall… into the memories, and the sleepless nights, and the pain he had kept at bay all this time. The fall itself wasn't so bad. It wasn't as bad as teetering on the precipice all this time, as the anticipation of what might happen if he let go… but the landing, the landing would be difficult. It would be worse than difficult. It would be hard. For once he let go, he couldn't seem to get control of the stick to pull up. He kept tumbling until he crashed.

Yet if anyone knew how to pull out of a crash and survive the wreckage, it was H.M. Murdock. _Member of the A-Team_.

He would survive the wreckage. _Wildcard_.

He would fly again. _Ace-in-the-Hole_.

He would remain Howling Mad.


End file.
